April 2016

Well April is half over and I am at last remembering to do a post here, what has happened this month so far well Dawson turned 17 on the first of the month and Tyler turned 22 last Friday but what else let me think.

Ok the first school term came to an end along with daylight savings, we have had Blain for the first week of the school holidays and he will be with his dad for the second week and then just as school goes back he will be going with his dad and Kelli to Queensland for a week for Kirsty's wedding.

Yes Kirsty is getting married to Jacob, I will not be going as we were not invited she had to keep numbers down due to cost, I however, will be dog sitting for Dave while he and Leigh go to the wedding they are going in mum & dad's place as dad isn't well enough to make such a trip. There is no way dad could drive that far and mum isn't up to driving long distances either in fact I think too many hours in a car would be bad for dad.

We have had some problems with Blain & Leo and attitude and lying Blain has attitude and Leo still has a lying problem although both boys are improving slowly. Natasha has laid down the law to both of them and has in fact lost it with them both a few times in the last few weeks due to the attitude we have from them.

Also just before school broke up there was a problem with Leo getting bullied by some of Blain's friends they pulled his legs out from under him causing him to fall backwards and hit his head on the cement this happened because Leo had called one of the friends names a few weeks before hand and the kid wanted to get back at Leo. Blain did nothing to help his cousin because he said he was scared they would hurt him if he tried to stop them. So we have told Leo he isn't allow to go to Blain's friends place in the afternoon after school. I was so annoyed by the whole thing with Leo that I contacted the school via Facebook and the principal said she would ring me but I am still waiting when school goes back I will go to the school and speak to her.

Oddly enough during the last week of the school holidays Blain has only been to his friends place once he has just not been interested in going to hang out with them.

Dad's health isn't that good mum worries about him a lot he spends so much of the night coughing and that keeps him awake and at times keeps mum awake.

I am worried about Tim as he is so angry a lot lately and yesterday Natasha and I had a talk to him telling him that we believe he is depressed, he wanted to know why we thought that and we told him he is always thinking negative thoughts and when we say something to him he hears negative stuff and thinks he doesn't matter and doesn't want to be around the family as he feels he is always the bad guy always in the wrong and never happy he says he can't see the point in being happy. He takes everything personally and always things we are attacking him and putting him down and never support him in anything.

Now about me I saw the specialist again about my tremor still no answers on a different medication which hasn't done much as yet but I have increased it again to 1 full tablet twice a day and we will see how that helps, as I write this my right thigh is shaking a lot that has been happening a lot more lately.

Walking is some days ok some days not ok, some days I really struggle with the balance and the back pain shooting through my back and I am often so very exhausted by the time I get home but I an sticking with it as it is suppose to be good for ones health.

My blood glucose levels are not the best but often that is because I am eating and drinking the wrong stuff I know it and it is something I have to change and I will but right now it is a struggle. I do not want to see anyone or talk to anyone about it because I don't I can't give a reason why I just don't.

There are days when I feel life is a struggle, I do worry about my tremor and balance problems, I worry about becoming a burden to my family, I have good days and bad days sometimes there seems to be more bad days then good days which is upsetting.

That said I am glad that I have Natasha and Blain living here and that I see my other daughters and grandchildren as much as I do, I love having Leo around a lot they make living good, it is for them that I keep trying.

Granted I don't want them to know how bad some days are and some might wonder why I would write about how bad it can be here but guess what they don't read this so they will not know.

March is here already and I am late writing the March post

Well we are 9 days into March and I am only just getting around to writing a March post, what ya gonna do, nothing didn't think so.

Well what has March bought us, let me think for a moment, ok thought about it. Leo has been in a fair bit of trouble this month, started last Friday the 4th he was here with nanna and what did he do he wandered off and I was unable to find him. I was that upset I wanted to cry, I thought I would have to ring his mum and tell her I had lost her son, however, the little boy in  unit 4 told me he saw Leo walk out past the letter boxes and head up the road. I walked to the letter boxes and looked and he was up the road so I yelled and he looked at me and came straight home but he was in so much trouble as he knows he shouldn't do that.

So his mother grounded him but on Saturday night he pinched some chocolate, he knows he isn't allowed to go and get chocolate during the night so she added a couple of days till his grounding. Now on Monday afternoon, when he came out of the school I gave him the last of my Pepsi Max it was only a mouthful and he drank it and when it was mentioned to Jessica that I let him have it she went off her head at me.

So all in all she has made me feel like shit this week, I have decided that this Friday I am not going to have Leo, she (Jess) said it would depend on how he is during the week but the way I am feeling is that since I am not going to stick to his grounding and I will let him watch telly and she isn't going to be happy with that then I shouldn't have him while he is grounded.

Sometimes I feel like nothing I do is good enough, which is why I have been feeling sad a lot this last week.  Next week will be better.

Of course there are birthdays in March Kelli and  Heather, then we have Easter, I have bought the girls plate sets for Easter and I will get them each a large egg, still have to get the boys something but what I don't know yet. 

February

Hello February, what is in stall for this month, well we have three birthdays the first being my darling daughter Natasha she will be 29 on the 14th Valentine's Day. The following week it will be Summer's birthday she will be 3 and then we have Daemon's the following day he will be 4.

Tim always says he doesn't need a special day to show me that he loves me, I get that but I have reached a stage in my life that I would like to go out for a meal on Valentine's Day.

Mum & dad and Tim and I have all booked our next holiday, a cruise we will leave at the end of May and be gone for nearly 2 weeks.

Dad is worried about how he is going to get from the train to the dock so I asked Dave if he could come with us to help dad with his luggage. Dave said he or Leigh will drive us down to Sydney on the day and one of them will come back and pick us up when we return.

We all think dad should take his oxygen with him but he keeps saying he doesn't think he will need it, but we are all telling him it would be better to take it and not need it then leave it at home and really need it. He doesn't want to need to see a doctor while on the ship as that costs a bloody lot of money it can cost up to $1,000 to see the doctor and you are expect to pay there and then and later claim it back from you travel insurance.

January 2016

Hello 2016 a new year a new me, ok maybe not I pretty much stay the same year in and year out but that is ok I think, because I think most people like me just the way I am.

Christmas was a bloody great one more or less, yes on Christmas morning I was quiet sad and felt like crying but don't really know why I felt like that I just did.

Christmas morning saw only me, Tim and Tasha here for the first half hour then Jessica turned up with Leo and he had a ball opening his presents from Nanna and Papa and I think he liked all his presents, Leo gets excited about presents and it shows, unlike Blain who doesn't.

I went over to my parents place to start the spuds as we had baked potatoes with our lunch, I had done a potato bake the night before and Jessica bought a gingerbread house for lunch which most people tried and liked.

Now this month we have 6 birthdays starting with Temika who will turn 6, the Leo who turns 8, Liarna will be next she turns 6, followed by Sydney-May who will also turn 6 and then we have Tim who will be 55 and lastly my mum turns 76.

We have had accident in the family, the person involved wasn't seriously hurt and was really lucky they didn't kill themselves or anyone else as they had been drinking and then got behind the wheel of their car.

On New Years Eve, we had Leo for the night, Jessica ended up going to Jono & Kelli's place for the night and had a few drinks, she didn't pick Leo up till around 3pm but that was ok, Leo is no trouble when he is here if he has his medication.

Blain was at his father's he is there for the week, on the 10^th Tim, Jessica, Leo and myself are going to Canberra for a short holiday we leave on the 10^th and return on the 13^th Blain will be with his mum who will have to work and while she is at work he will stay either with Kathy or Jessica.

The tremor in my right arm is improving with the new medication I take although it still does shake when I walk and my arm doesn't swing and the last few mornings when I wake up it is stiff and sore and aches so much, in fact it aches most of the day.