Wednesday, 26 December 2018

End of year letter


Here I am doing an end of year letter about me and how I have deteriorated during the year, lately I have been having upsetting dreams, dreams were Tim doesn't love me and has been cruel to me. Tim has NEVER been cruel to me ever and I know he loves me.

Kathy-Lee said she things it is my insecurities that is causing the upsetting dreams, but why on earth I would have such dreams about Tim who loves me so much.

I know that my body is deteriorating the tremor or trauma as my beautiful daughter refers to it as it is traumatic how it is effecting my body. It isn't just my hands that shake but my arms, legs and k jaw as well. My body is never truly at rest because it moves pretty much 24/7.

I am at a point where I am willing to try anything to settle the shaking my siblings and Kathy-Lee think I should try cannabis I have finally said ok you supply it and I will try it. Sandra has found someone local that sells cannabis oil I have to have a consultation first though, I have told her to send Tim the information and we will make arrangements to see the person.

A few months ago I started suffering from restlessness as well, this got so bad that I wasn't able to sit for more then a few minutes at a time and was always getting up and walking around and it wasn't just my body that was restless but my brain also. I was always thinking about stuff and wasn't able to settle well at night, sleep didn't come easy and I would be in and out of bed 5 or 6 times a night on a good night more on a bad night.

Thankfully my GP increased the medication I take for restlessness to 2 tablets at 5pm and I am now sleeping through most of the night.

Then last month I ran out of one of my depression medication and this caused me to become very depressed, so much that when there was an incident between Blain & Leo I took it to heart and was in a horrible state over it. All my girls and my mum were very worried about my state of mind, thankfully I realised what the problem was and got the medication which is why things are improving.

Also last month I went to the Dr's to get my yearly medical review done and he refused to fill it in saying I am unfit to drive, so I have lost my licence and now have to rely on other people to drive me around.

Mostly it is Natasha who takes me places, it is also Natasha who helps me get dressed when needed and she applies my make-up each week when I go shopping. I do not know how I would cope without her.

Many months ago I started doing my main grocery shopping online and my precious first born Kathy-Lee picks it up and brings it to me each Saturday.

On Friday's when I go shopping Natasha takes me and either her or Jessica brings me home, a year ago due to problems walking I started hiring a motorised scooter on Fridays when I go to Charlestown Square and also on the rare times I go to Glendale shops. The scooter makes getting around so much easier.

I was referred over to Rankin Park Day Hospital for help with my falls during the year I have had about 10 falls or near falls, only yesterday I stumbled twice and nearly fell over walking down the driveway at mum & dad's. I have to attend the falls program for 6 weeks starting the 29th January. On the 30th January I have to have another MRI this one will take about an hour, I was worried how I would lay still for that long so I went to see the doctor and he said to go back and see him next month and he would prescribe something to help me remain calm and still.

In August while Tim & I were on holiday in China, Tim's younger brother John had a heart attack and passed away.

Also this year we were told by doctors that dad wasn't likely to see Christmas due to his rapidly failing health. Well there were WRONG dad is still with us, we have all accepted that he will not see out another year as in 2019. Sandra, Sue & Dave wrap him in in cotton wool and do not let him leave the house if it is wet, windy or cold.

They say deaths come in 3's well two people Tim & I have know have died this year, so we are hoping dad isn't number 3. I like to think positive so for me dad will be around for a while yet, fingers crossed.

In October we had a big party for dad's 76th birthday and his brother Richard who he hadn't seen for 30 years came, this made dad happy. As all the family should know family is so important to dad and he is so proud of his family and he has a big loving close knit family, with 5 children, 18 grandchildren 14 great-grandchildren.

Thursday, 6 December 2018

December Letter

Mrs Jo-Anne Meadows
P O Box 253
Warners Bay
NSW 2282
Tuesday 4th December 2018


Great to hear from you again, life here is ok not great but ok, sometimes our lives are so busy that we don't seem to have the time to sit and write a letter.

Yes Natasha & Blain have settled into their new home, Natasha is still painting the house one room at a time, it is nice having both of them living close by.

My state of mind was improving slowly but I have had set back, last Thursday there was another incident between Blain & Leo. The whole thing got out of hand and I told my mum all about it Thursday night and mentioned it to her on Friday morning as well. Well my sister Sue heard us talking and she told her daughters Kelli & Heather and that got back to Natasha who was more then pissed.. All in all the whole incident caused me a lot of grief and caused me to shed a lot of tears and feel like I caused a whole lot of trouble.

I am sleeping better but not great, although I do still wake up a number of times during the night. Although I am having a real problem with restlessness, it isn't just at night or with just my legs but all day and my whole body. I spoke to the GP about the problem this morning and he has increased then medication I take for it from 1 tablet to 2 tablets a day.

Since my last letter, I had to go and see my GP to get my yearly medical review done but the doctor refused to fill it in, he said I shouldn't be driving. I felt numb when I left the surgery but I am getting there, it is what it is. I now have a photo ID card instead of a licence.

I had a birthday on Friday 16th November the night before my birthday I had a break down it was caused by Leo having a melt down and trashing his bedroom throwing things around and hitting the wall. What caused his melt down I really don't understand it had something to do with Blain though.

I ended up not just crying but sobbing and it wasn't the first time I cried on Thursday, in fact I cried a fair bit on Thursday and most of the time I had no idea why I was crying.

Tim told me he is worried about my health and through tears I replied that so was I at night I suffer from restlessness kind of like restless leg syndrome but it affects my breathing, when I lay down I feel like I can't breath and I have to get up and walk around then go back to bed and try again. I would do this 3 or 4 times before I would manage to get to sleep.

I have since realized that I should be taking the medication for the restlessness 2hrs earlier then I was, taking it earlier has helped but I was still having a lot of problems with restlessness but yesterday when I saw the GP he increased the restlessness medication from 1to 2 tablets. So last night I slept through the night, fingers cross it continues to be the case.

It will be a while before we take another cruise, Tim and I talked it over and decided because of how bad dad's health is and decided that it might not be wise to go away.

My parents are well, dad is driving mum crazy asking every day how does he get his licence back, as it has been suspended on medical grounds, we all know he will never get it back but he doesn't understand.

He says every day that the GP shouldn't have said he can't drive, mum has explained over and over that he isn't well enough and he gets very confused at times.

Many nights dad will ask mum who's house they are in because he doesn't think it is their house, even though they have lived their since May 1980.

He also often thinks there are strangers in his bed and asks mum who are those people in our bed, there is no one in the bed.

Last week there was another incident between Blain & Leo it was a bad incident both accused each other of lying and Natasha really went off her head accusing Leo of being in the wrong. Well it turned out Blain was the one lying and when Natasha found this out she felt horrible but did she apologise to Leo, no she didn't, which has annoyed me.

The whole thing caused me a great deal of upset, I confided in my mother who says my sister overheard what we were talking about and told her daughter, anyway someone told another sister who said something about it that really caused me to become depressed and to feel like I can't trust anyone.

I was in such a state over the weekend that Tim and the girls became very worried about my state of mind, however, I realised that I hadn't been taking one of my depression medications, so that may have been the problem, only time will tell.

I am like 95% done with Christmas shopping, as I shop all year around. I will start work on the Christmas cards this weekend hopefully. I will also have to sort out the Mrs Claus presents I send out during the next week or so.

Christmas Day will be spent with my parents and siblings as per usually and Boxing Day Tim & I, along with Natasha, Blain, Jessica & Leo are going to Kathy-Lee's place for our Christmas lunch in past years the girls and grandchildren would come here but I am not really in a condition to cook a baked lunch. So Kathy-Lee has said she would have the lunch at her place.

The last few days I have been working on my Christmas cards and I am slowly getting them done. I also have managed to get the house starting to look like Christmas with the aid of decorations, although I still have more to do, it is just hard to do on my own and yeah the girls say they will help but they haven't done so yet.

Well tht is enough of my boring news for this letter until next time take care and write when you can.