End of year letter

Dear.........

Here I am doing an end of year letter about me and how I have deteriorated during the year, lately I have been having upsetting dreams, dreams were Tim doesn't love me and has been cruel to me. Tim has NEVER been cruel to me ever and I know he loves me.

Kathy-Lee said she things it is my insecurities that is causing the upsetting dreams, but why on earth I would have such dreams about Tim who loves me so much.

I know that my body is deteriorating the tremor or trauma as my beautiful daughter refers to it as it is traumatic how it is effecting my body. It isn't just my hands that shake but my arms, legs and k jaw as well. My body is never truly at rest because it moves pretty much 24/7.

I am at a point where I am willing to try anything to settle the shaking my siblings and Kathy-Lee think I should try cannabis I have finally said ok you supply it and I will try it. Sandra has found someone local that sells cannabis oil I have to have a consultation first though, I have told her to send Tim the information and we will make arrangements to see the person.

A few months ago I started suffering from restlessness as well, this got so bad that I wasn't able to sit for more then a few minutes at a time and was always getting up and walking around and it wasn't just my body that was restless but my brain also. I was always thinking about stuff and wasn't able to settle well at night, sleep didn't come easy and I would be in and out of bed 5 or 6 times a night on a good night more on a bad night.

Thankfully my GP increased the medication I take for restlessness to 2 tablets at 5pm and I am now sleeping through most of the night.

Then last month I ran out of one of my depression medication and this caused me to become very depressed, so much that when there was an incident between Blain & Leo I took it to heart and was in a horrible state over it. All my girls and my mum were very worried about my state of mind, thankfully I realised what the problem was and got the medication which is why things are improving.

Also last month I went to the Dr's to get my yearly medical review done and he refused to fill it in saying I am unfit to drive, so I have lost my licence and now have to rely on other people to drive me around.

Mostly it is Natasha who takes me places, it is also Natasha who helps me get dressed when needed and she applies my make-up each week when I go shopping. I do not know how I would cope without her.

Many months ago I started doing my main grocery shopping online and my precious first born Kathy-Lee picks it up and brings it to me each Saturday.

On Friday's when I go shopping Natasha takes me and either her or Jessica brings me home, a year ago due to problems walking I started hiring a motorised scooter on Fridays when I go to Charlestown Square and also on the rare times I go to Glendale shops. The scooter makes getting around so much easier.

I was referred over to Rankin Park Day Hospital for help with my falls during the year I have had about 10 falls or near falls, only yesterday I stumbled twice and nearly fell over walking down the driveway at mum & dad's. I have to attend the falls program for 6 weeks starting the 29^th January. On the 30^th January I have to have another MRI this one will take about an hour, I was worried how I would lay still for that long so I went to see the doctor and he said to go back and see him next month and he would prescribe something to help me remain calm and still.

In August while Tim & I were on holiday in China, Tim's younger brother John had a heart attack and passed away.

Also this year we were told by doctors that dad wasn't likely to see Christmas due to his rapidly failing health. Well there were WRONG dad is still with us, we have all accepted that he will not see out another year as in 2019. Sandra, Sue & Dave wrap him in in cotton wool and do not let him leave the house if it is wet, windy or cold.

They say deaths come in 3's well two people Tim & I have know have died this year, so we are hoping dad isn't number 3. I like to think positive so for me dad will be around for a while yet, fingers crossed.

In October we had a big party for dad's 76^th birthday and his brother Richard who he hadn't seen for 30 years came, this made dad happy. As all the family should know family is so important to dad and he is so proud of his family and he has a big loving close knit family, with 5 children, 18 grandchildren 14 great-grandchildren.