Dear Dad

This post was published to joannerambling at 6:58:25 PM 29/03/2014

Good morning all this morning I am doing a reworked post of of a post I did back in 2014 about my dad who sadly passed away in his sleep yesterday.

Dear Dad

Yesterday was the hardest of days for your family dealing with the fact that you had passed away in your sleep after a really bad night Saturday night.

So many tears were shed by so many people as you laid in bed looking like you wee sleeping and so many went to say their goodbyes to you.

18 people in total turned up at the house to see you and mum. 

Natasha the girl you called “Nicky Nat” is heartbroken and has been nearly inconsolable. Kathy-Lee cried from the moment she heard. Jessica feels horrible inside.

My grandsons Blain & Leo didn't like seeing their nanna so upset and heartbroken, crying so much.

Tim also is heartbroken you were more like his father than father in-law but he has held it together for me, as he feels he needs to be strong to support me.

Three of Jeannie's children turned up to say goodbye to you, Sam had her daughter Hayley with her and Hayley wanted to see you and I can tell you dad little Hayley was heartbroken she shed so many tears.

Let’s move onto all the great memories I have of you my dad, one of my earliest memories is of walking around near areopelican with me on your shoulders. I also have a vague memory of the time we got bogged on Blacksmiths beach and yes I do remember it is not a clear memory but I do still remember it.

The time we wallpapered the kitchen is also a good memory and it still makes me laugh when I think about it, I don’t know if you know dad how much it meant to me that I was able to help my dad with things, like wallpapering the kitchen and running power down to the garage when we lived in Flame street and putting up the pool.

I know I am blessed to have you as my dad; you have always been my hero, my idol. When I was around the age of 18 nanna asked me what type of man I would like to marry and all I could think of was a man like my dad, to me you were special the perfect dad, you could do everything and I always knew you would protect me and keep me safe. I know it may sound silly but you are still my hero and my idol and I am still so proud to be your daughter.

I was lucky in that I had you all to myself for 6 years but even when Jeannie & Sue came along and later Sandy & Dave I never felt pushed aside or that you loved me any less I just knew you had enough love to go around.

You loved your daughters and didn't feel the need to have a son which is why God blessed you with one. David has grown from an annoying little sod into a wonderful man just like his father.

All my life I have wanted to make you proud.

Dad's Bad Night

Mum has had a bad night with dad he was awake most of the night unable to breathe. The Ordine was only helping for 20 minutes or so, so mum got him on the oxygen and still he was restless and unable to settle. Mum ended up ring Sandy at 2am who wasn't able to go and help as being Saturday night she had a few drinks so Sandy rang both Sue and Dave, Sue had been out for the night and wasn't able to go and help but Dave rang mum and while on the phone and he told mum he would be there soon.

Dave & Leigh arrived by 3.20am and they left at 4.45am, because dad found it easier to breathe when he was sitting up so they have set him up in a sitting position which is how he is sleeping now.

THANK YOU MY SIBLINGS

It was horrible for mum to watch dad suffering so much and feeling like shit because there is so little she can do to help him, she didn't know what to do, whether she should ring the ambos or not. One moment dad is saying to ring them the next he is saying don't ring them. Mum was worried if she rang them they would take him to hospital and the hospital would let him die, she knows that may not happen but still a thought she had.

Updates

Hello family and others who read this blog.

Just doing a few updates about family members including myself today.

Dad is hanging in there, he has good days and bad days but any day he wakes up and is still with us is a good day. His feet and legs are super swollen with fluid, this is made worse by the fact that he isn't drinking enough water which would flush out his body and of course he has trouble walking so he prefers not to walk around if he doesn't have to. However, a little bit of walking would also help with the fluid.

Mum is feeling trapped because she hasn't been able to go to the shops due to dad being so unwell and able to go out. What is distressing for mum is when she asks my siblings about going out they get angry with her and have even yelled at her that she cannot go out.

Jessica has decided to sell her car as she doesn't use it much and wants to save for a really good car.

Natasha has settled nicely into her home and is happy living here near her dad & I.

Kathy-Lee and Michael are engaged but have not made any plans as yet as to when they will get married.

Now to me well some days my whole body shakes including my jaw, this is frustrating. The arthritis in my knees is giving me a lot of pain, I cannot stand for very long and walking unaided is near impossible, with a cane I can manage to walk maybe 10 meters with my walker I could possible manage around 25 meters before needing to sit down and rest.

Many days I feel useless and like I am becoming a burden on my family, I can't drive myself to appointments or to the shops. I always need to rely on my daughters to get around and do stuff for me. They say they don't mind but still I feel the way I do.