On the 28 October 1969 a
baby girl was born she was given the first name of Susan, she now prefers to be
called Sue, she is my sister 7yrs younger than me. As children I remember a
number of people saying how alike she and I was. I could not see it and I doubt
Sue could either.
I wouldn’t say we were close as children, I did slam her fingers
in my bedroom door, which resulted in dad threatening to break it in if I didn’t
open it. Yes, I did get into trouble for that, as I did when I slammed her
finger in the car door. Then there was the time I used the type of cane that
was used at school to “discipline” students with, anyway I hit her across the
knuckles and boy did I get into trouble for that.
I remember mum telling me about locking Sue out of the house because
she wouldn’t go outside to play, mum thought she was doing the right thing but
maybe not.
There was also a couple of times when she got left behind, like
the time we were going on a holiday, and she was in the toilet and dad thought
she was in the car and drove off leaving her behind. Yes of course, we went
back for her and had a bit of a laugh but again in hindsight not really funny.
These are just a couple of things that went wrong in Sue’s life,
that we laughed at but would have damaged her, she was only a child.
The positive things like mum going to the school and telling of
a teacher for comparing Sue to our sister Jeannie, mum spoke to the
headmistress and demanded Sue be put in a different class and not to be
compared to Jeannie as they were and still are two very different people. However,
the positive things get lost in the negative.
At 16 Sue left home to go live with a man 16yrs older than her,
she later married him, and they had 4 children together. It wasn’t the happiest
of marriages and ended in divorce.
What followed was a few not so good choices in men, she later
remarried but that marriage didn’t last either. They didn’t divorce but were separated
at the time of his death in 2016. There have been more not so wise
relationships with men, including the latest one which was with a narcissistic
bastard who is stalking her and making her life miserable.
Less then 2yrs ago she was diagnosed with BPD and her counsellor
told her she most likely had this condition since the age of 12. It explains a
lot of her so called bad decisions, I say so called because in hindsight they
were but at the time they happened it didn’t seem that way. She also suffers
from depression and PTSD if I remember correctly.
Yes, there have been times when it seemed like she put herself
before anyone else but that is just how it looked. Sue loves her children, and
she did the best she knew how to do when it came to raising them. Has she made
mistakes of course all parents do but that doesn’t take anything away from how much
she loves and worries about them.
Sue’s life has been a roller coaster on the verge of spinning
out of control, but she always manages to get back on track.
I know there are times when her family judge her actions because
I believe they don’t always see the whole picture.
Having BPD has made her life harder than it would have been if
she didn’t have this terrible condition. I have said for many years that Sue is
the strongest woman I know she is a survivor and like a bouncing ball she
bounces back it is just hard at times for anyone to catch that damn ball.
I remember many years back hearing her refer to herself as the
black sheep of the family, that angered me then and it angers me now, she is
not and has never in my eyes ever been a black sheep. But if she was that would
be fine with me, I am not racist and don’t care what colour sheep she is.
Sue and I have become closer over the years, and this has made
me so happy, I only wish she was as happy in her life. I know she will say she
is but from my point of view she doesn’t seem as happy as she could be and knowing
there is bugga all I can do to change that is hard for me.
I love you Sue and I am proud to be your sister.
