April 2016

Well April is half over and I am at last remembering to do a post here, what has happened this month so far well Dawson turned 17 on the first of the month and Tyler turned 22 last Friday but what else let me think.

Ok the first school term came to an end along with daylight savings, we have had Blain for the first week of the school holidays and he will be with his dad for the second week and then just as school goes back he will be going with his dad and Kelli to Queensland for a week for Kirsty's wedding.

Yes Kirsty is getting married to Jacob, I will not be going as we were not invited she had to keep numbers down due to cost, I however, will be dog sitting for Dave while he and Leigh go to the wedding they are going in mum & dad's place as dad isn't well enough to make such a trip. There is no way dad could drive that far and mum isn't up to driving long distances either in fact I think too many hours in a car would be bad for dad.

We have had some problems with Blain & Leo and attitude and lying Blain has attitude and Leo still has a lying problem although both boys are improving slowly. Natasha has laid down the law to both of them and has in fact lost it with them both a few times in the last few weeks due to the attitude we have from them.

Also just before school broke up there was a problem with Leo getting bullied by some of Blain's friends they pulled his legs out from under him causing him to fall backwards and hit his head on the cement this happened because Leo had called one of the friends names a few weeks before hand and the kid wanted to get back at Leo. Blain did nothing to help his cousin because he said he was scared they would hurt him if he tried to stop them. So we have told Leo he isn't allow to go to Blain's friends place in the afternoon after school. I was so annoyed by the whole thing with Leo that I contacted the school via Facebook and the principal said she would ring me but I am still waiting when school goes back I will go to the school and speak to her.

Oddly enough during the last week of the school holidays Blain has only been to his friends place once he has just not been interested in going to hang out with them.

Dad's health isn't that good mum worries about him a lot he spends so much of the night coughing and that keeps him awake and at times keeps mum awake.

I am worried about Tim as he is so angry a lot lately and yesterday Natasha and I had a talk to him telling him that we believe he is depressed, he wanted to know why we thought that and we told him he is always thinking negative thoughts and when we say something to him he hears negative stuff and thinks he doesn't matter and doesn't want to be around the family as he feels he is always the bad guy always in the wrong and never happy he says he can't see the point in being happy. He takes everything personally and always things we are attacking him and putting him down and never support him in anything.

Now about me I saw the specialist again about my tremor still no answers on a different medication which hasn't done much as yet but I have increased it again to 1 full tablet twice a day and we will see how that helps, as I write this my right thigh is shaking a lot that has been happening a lot more lately.

Walking is some days ok some days not ok, some days I really struggle with the balance and the back pain shooting through my back and I am often so very exhausted by the time I get home but I an sticking with it as it is suppose to be good for ones health.

My blood glucose levels are not the best but often that is because I am eating and drinking the wrong stuff I know it and it is something I have to change and I will but right now it is a struggle. I do not want to see anyone or talk to anyone about it because I don't I can't give a reason why I just don't.

There are days when I feel life is a struggle, I do worry about my tremor and balance problems, I worry about becoming a burden to my family, I have good days and bad days sometimes there seems to be more bad days then good days which is upsetting.

That said I am glad that I have Natasha and Blain living here and that I see my other daughters and grandchildren as much as I do, I love having Leo around a lot they make living good, it is for them that I keep trying.

Granted I don't want them to know how bad some days are and some might wonder why I would write about how bad it can be here but guess what they don't read this so they will not know.