21 April, 2019

Dad's Bad Night


Mum has had a bad night with dad he was awake most of the night unable to breathe. The Ordine was only helping for 20 minutes or so, so mum got him on the oxygen and still he was restless and unable to settle. Mum ended up ring Sandy at 2am who wasn't able to go and help as being Saturday night she had a few drinks so Sandy rang both Sue and Dave, Sue had been out for the night and wasn't able to go and help but Dave rang mum and while on the phone and he told mum he would be there soon.

Dave & Leigh arrived by 3.20am and they left at 4.45am, because dad found it easier to breathe when he was sitting up so they have set him up in a sitting position which is how he is sleeping now.

THANK YOU MY SIBLINGS

It was horrible for mum to watch dad suffering so much and feeling like shit because there is so little she can do to help him, she didn't know what to do, whether she should ring the ambos or not. One moment dad is saying to ring them the next he is saying don't ring them. Mum was worried if she rang them they would take him to hospital and the hospital would let him die, she knows that may not happen but still a thought she had.



15 April, 2019

Updates


Hello family and others who read this blog.

Just doing a few updates about family members including myself today.

Dad is hanging in there, he has good days and bad days but any day he wakes up and is still with us is a good day. His feet and legs are super swollen with fluid, this is made worse by the fact that he isn't drinking enough water which would flush out his body and of course he has trouble walking so he prefers not to walk around if he doesn't have to. However, a little bit of walking would also help with the fluid.

Mum is feeling trapped because she hasn't been able to go to the shops due to dad being so unwell and able to go out. What is distressing for mum is when she asks my siblings about going out they get angry with her and have even yelled at her that she cannot go out.

Jessica has decided to sell her car as she doesn't use it much and wants to save for a really good car.

Natasha has settled nicely into her home and is happy living here near her dad & I.

Kathy-Lee and Michael are engaged but have not made any plans as yet as to when they will get married.

Now to me well some days my whole body shakes including my jaw, this is frustrating. The arthritis in my knees is giving me a lot of pain, I cannot stand for very long and walking unaided is near impossible, with a cane I can manage to walk maybe 10 meters with my walker I could possible manage around 25 meters before needing to sit down and rest.

Many days I feel useless and like I am becoming a burden on my family, I can't drive myself to appointments or to the shops. I always need to rely on my daughters to get around and do stuff for me. They say they don't mind but still I feel the way I do.

17 February, 2019

Mum & Driving


My mum is a loving and caring woman, who will do anything she can for her children and grandchildren.

Recently she has felt that some of her children are not there for her. She feels they are not supporting her and are often running her down.

Now I want to say that I know there are two sides to this and I am in no way trying to say that my siblings are in any way in the wrong. I am just putting across mum's side.

I speak to mum every night and the last couple of nights mum has been in tears because of how she feels she is being treated. I always say our feelings are neither right or wrong they are just our feelings and we feel how we feel.

Now you maybe wondering what the issue is that is causing mum to feel how she is, well it is about her driving again. Mum hasn't driven since late in 2017 or early 2018 due to health issues. However, she is now much better, she has had her hip replaced and is walking fine.

The problem is two of my siblings do not want her to drive again, well that is what mum thinks. Mum wants one of her children to go with her to see how she manages driving. She has been asking for over a month but they never seem to have the time.

Now because of her diabetes mum needs a medical review done and when she asked her GP he wouldn't fill the form in but said for her to have her eye check done and then he would see. Well that didn't sit well with mum and yesterday she went and had her eye check done, on Monday she is going to see a different GP to see if they will fill in the form.

She also spoke to the physio about driving and she said she sees no physical reason why she can't drive.

What mum wants is too feel that her children are supporting her, that they will do things to help her drive again. Instead of yelling at her and telling her she can't drive.

If mum attemps to drive and doesn't feel comfortable she will not drive, she just wants to try, if she can keep her licence and drive to the shops and back she will be happy, we are talking a distance of maybe 5k's or 3miles once or twice a week.

08 February, 2019

January & February Letter


Mrs Jo-Anne Meadows
P O Box 253
Warners Bay
NSW 2282
Australia
Wednesday 6th February 2019

Dear

Great to hear from you again,hope all is well with you. Don't worry about taking a while to write back sometimes life gets in the way or we just don't feel like writing.

I am doing well my state of mind has improved and I an not as depressed, in fact I am feeling so much happier. Yes my body is letting me down but I am still able to do lots of stuff. Helps that I am taking my medication as I should.

Been stinking bloody hot here the last few weeks thankfully we have air conditioning. I really don't like it when it is humid and I find myself dripping in sweat. When it is stinking hot I prefer to stay home and do little.

As I write this my dad is in hospital again, he had a bad night last Wednesday night and Thursday morning my sister Sandy rang the ambos for him. He was unable to catch his breath and nothing he did or took helped. Since being in hospital there has been little change in his health, he is still having trouble breathing.

During the school holidays we didn't go away or do much at all Tim had some time off work but for the most part he just stayed home and chilled.

Tasha has at last got rid of Steve's dog she rang the ranger who came and collected it. She has also got rid of Steve's stuff, I did a little happy dance.

On Christmas Eve Jessica was driving out to Cessnock to see her cousin and she gets pulled over by the cops for driving an unregistered car, and an uninsured car, this was what the hell how the hell did that happen. Jessica rang me in a right state she was crying and really upset it took a while to calm her down and when we went to the RTA they said I had stuffed up this made me feel awful.
When she bought the car last month the first thing we did was go to the RTA and transferred the car into her name and get a further six months registration, at that time nothing was said about the CTP which struck me as odd.

Well a few weeks later she gets the CTP renewal notice in the mail and I went online straight away and fixed it up, I then went to the RTA site to check it all went through but I must have stuffed up somehow because the RTA told us on Christmas Eve that it didn't go through.

Anyway since we had the receipt for the CTP we have written a letter explaining everything and hope they will at least wave the uninsured ticket, we have enclosed a copy of the CTP receipt so now we just to wait and see.

Jessica wrote away about her fines so they are under review and as yet we have heard nothing.

Around 1am on Boxing Day Tim & I are woken up by Natasha and she was in a right state the mother of a really close friend had just passed away, Natasha thought of the woman like another mother.

On Boxing Day we all went over to Kathy's for a belated Christmas lunch, the day was good, although Kathy-Lee really needs to learn how to cook a baked lunch which is why I generally prefer to do a baked lunch here as I know what I am doing.

Christmas is all said and done, all in all it was a good day, although it didn't start off that well as I had a upsetting dream the night before and this left me feeling down and sad.

Tim worked Christmas Day but I did see him in the morning and in the afternoon Jessica & Leo came over and both of them liked all their gifts.

All my girls went over to see my parents on Christmas Day, we have all accepted that it is unlikely dad will be around for another Christmas, so we all wanted Christmas Day to be special for him and both mum & dad said how nice it was to see my girls.

It was the first Christmas they have been at my parents place in like 5 years. We even got to see Blain on Christmas Day as he spent part of the day with his mum.

On Christmas Day my dad was walking from the kitchen to the lounge room with just his cane but he wasn't using his cane properly and lost his balance and fell over.

Blain quickly went and got my brother David who picked him up and his wife Leigh patched up his arms, one of which was bleeding badly.

I received some also gifts myself from my siblings and children and grandchildren, on Thursday Tim bought me a newer mobile phone, similar to the old one just a bit newer. I am happy with it, I didn't expect it so it was a nice surprise.

On Wednesday the 9th January, Natasha was concerned about the woman whoo lived it the unit next to hers as she hadn't seen or heard her since Sunday night. So she contacted the woman's son, he hadn't spoken to his mum in days, so she rang the police.

The police turned up an hour and a half later and had to break into the house which wasn't easy as she had crimsafe screens. The woman was found deceased in her bed, it looks like she died in her sleep. We all knew the lady she has lived there for 20 odd years.

Tuesday the 22nd January was my granddaughter Sydney-May's birthday she turned 9 when I gave her, her birthday present I also gave her sister Summer a small gift.

The idea of giving the non birthday sibling who is close in age a small gift is something I got from my mum.

As mum says at times a young child may not understand why they do not get a gift and giving a small $2-3 gift can save tantrums.
I have gotten used to not being able to drive although it is frustrating at times having to rely on other people.

On the 8th January Tim & Leo went away camping for 2 nights and Leo had a wonderful time, he was well behaved and loved playing on the beach while Papa did some beach fishing. He has asked Papa if they can go away camping again next school holidays.

Speaking of camping while he was with his dad & Kelli, Blain also went camping but only for 1 night as it was too wet when they went but anyway Blain said he had a good time.

On Australia Day all the girls as well as Michael (Kathy's partner) came for lunch as it is/was Tim's birthday he is now 58. It was a nice day I did a roast beef and veggies for lunch.

Well that's all from me for this letter, until next time take care and I hope life treats you well.



Jo-Anne





26 December, 2018

End of year letter


Dear.........

Here I am doing an end of year letter about me and how I have deteriorated during the year, lately I have been having upsetting dreams, dreams were Tim doesn't love me and has been cruel to me. Tim has NEVER been cruel to me ever and I know he loves me.

Kathy-Lee said she things it is my insecurities that is causing the upsetting dreams, but why on earth I would have such dreams about Tim who loves me so much.

I know that my body is deteriorating the tremor or trauma as my beautiful daughter refers to it as it is traumatic how it is effecting my body. It isn't just my hands that shake but my arms, legs and k jaw as well. My body is never truly at rest because it moves pretty much 24/7.

I am at a point where I am willing to try anything to settle the shaking my siblings and Kathy-Lee think I should try cannabis I have finally said ok you supply it and I will try it. Sandra has found someone local that sells cannabis oil I have to have a consultation first though, I have told her to send Tim the information and we will make arrangements to see the person.

A few months ago I started suffering from restlessness as well, this got so bad that I wasn't able to sit for more then a few minutes at a time and was always getting up and walking around and it wasn't just my body that was restless but my brain also. I was always thinking about stuff and wasn't able to settle well at night, sleep didn't come easy and I would be in and out of bed 5 or 6 times a night on a good night more on a bad night.

Thankfully my GP increased the medication I take for restlessness to 2 tablets at 5pm and I am now sleeping through most of the night.

Then last month I ran out of one of my depression medication and this caused me to become very depressed, so much that when there was an incident between Blain & Leo I took it to heart and was in a horrible state over it. All my girls and my mum were very worried about my state of mind, thankfully I realised what the problem was and got the medication which is why things are improving.

Also last month I went to the Dr's to get my yearly medical review done and he refused to fill it in saying I am unfit to drive, so I have lost my licence and now have to rely on other people to drive me around.

Mostly it is Natasha who takes me places, it is also Natasha who helps me get dressed when needed and she applies my make-up each week when I go shopping. I do not know how I would cope without her.

Many months ago I started doing my main grocery shopping online and my precious first born Kathy-Lee picks it up and brings it to me each Saturday.

On Friday's when I go shopping Natasha takes me and either her or Jessica brings me home, a year ago due to problems walking I started hiring a motorised scooter on Fridays when I go to Charlestown Square and also on the rare times I go to Glendale shops. The scooter makes getting around so much easier.

I was referred over to Rankin Park Day Hospital for help with my falls during the year I have had about 10 falls or near falls, only yesterday I stumbled twice and nearly fell over walking down the driveway at mum & dad's. I have to attend the falls program for 6 weeks starting the 29th January. On the 30th January I have to have another MRI this one will take about an hour, I was worried how I would lay still for that long so I went to see the doctor and he said to go back and see him next month and he would prescribe something to help me remain calm and still.

In August while Tim & I were on holiday in China, Tim's younger brother John had a heart attack and passed away.

Also this year we were told by doctors that dad wasn't likely to see Christmas due to his rapidly failing health. Well there were WRONG dad is still with us, we have all accepted that he will not see out another year as in 2019. Sandra, Sue & Dave wrap him in in cotton wool and do not let him leave the house if it is wet, windy or cold.

They say deaths come in 3's well two people Tim & I have know have died this year, so we are hoping dad isn't number 3. I like to think positive so for me dad will be around for a while yet, fingers crossed.

In October we had a big party for dad's 76th birthday and his brother Richard who he hadn't seen for 30 years came, this made dad happy. As all the family should know family is so important to dad and he is so proud of his family and he has a big loving close knit family, with 5 children, 18 grandchildren 14 great-grandchildren.



06 December, 2018

December Letter


Mrs Jo-Anne Meadows
P O Box 253
Warners Bay
NSW 2282
Tuesday 4th December 2018

Dear

Great to hear from you again, life here is ok not great but ok, sometimes our lives are so busy that we don't seem to have the time to sit and write a letter.

Yes Natasha & Blain have settled into their new home, Natasha is still painting the house one room at a time, it is nice having both of them living close by.

My state of mind was improving slowly but I have had set back, last Thursday there was another incident between Blain & Leo. The whole thing got out of hand and I told my mum all about it Thursday night and mentioned it to her on Friday morning as well. Well my sister Sue heard us talking and she told her daughters Kelli & Heather and that got back to Natasha who was more then pissed.. All in all the whole incident caused me a lot of grief and caused me to shed a lot of tears and feel like I caused a whole lot of trouble.

I am sleeping better but not great, although I do still wake up a number of times during the night. Although I am having a real problem with restlessness, it isn't just at night or with just my legs but all day and my whole body. I spoke to the GP about the problem this morning and he has increased then medication I take for it from 1 tablet to 2 tablets a day.

Since my last letter, I had to go and see my GP to get my yearly medical review done but the doctor refused to fill it in, he said I shouldn't be driving. I felt numb when I left the surgery but I am getting there, it is what it is. I now have a photo ID card instead of a licence.

I had a birthday on Friday 16th November the night before my birthday I had a break down it was caused by Leo having a melt down and trashing his bedroom throwing things around and hitting the wall. What caused his melt down I really don't understand it had something to do with Blain though.

I ended up not just crying but sobbing and it wasn't the first time I cried on Thursday, in fact I cried a fair bit on Thursday and most of the time I had no idea why I was crying.

Tim told me he is worried about my health and through tears I replied that so was I at night I suffer from restlessness kind of like restless leg syndrome but it affects my breathing, when I lay down I feel like I can't breath and I have to get up and walk around then go back to bed and try again. I would do this 3 or 4 times before I would manage to get to sleep.

I have since realized that I should be taking the medication for the restlessness 2hrs earlier then I was, taking it earlier has helped but I was still having a lot of problems with restlessness but yesterday when I saw the GP he increased the restlessness medication from 1to 2 tablets. So last night I slept through the night, fingers cross it continues to be the case.

It will be a while before we take another cruise, Tim and I talked it over and decided because of how bad dad's health is and decided that it might not be wise to go away.

My parents are well, dad is driving mum crazy asking every day how does he get his licence back, as it has been suspended on medical grounds, we all know he will never get it back but he doesn't understand.

He says every day that the GP shouldn't have said he can't drive, mum has explained over and over that he isn't well enough and he gets very confused at times.

Many nights dad will ask mum who's house they are in because he doesn't think it is their house, even though they have lived their since May 1980.

He also often thinks there are strangers in his bed and asks mum who are those people in our bed, there is no one in the bed.

Last week there was another incident between Blain & Leo it was a bad incident both accused each other of lying and Natasha really went off her head accusing Leo of being in the wrong. Well it turned out Blain was the one lying and when Natasha found this out she felt horrible but did she apologise to Leo, no she didn't, which has annoyed me.

The whole thing caused me a great deal of upset, I confided in my mother who says my sister overheard what we were talking about and told her daughter, anyway someone told another sister who said something about it that really caused me to become depressed and to feel like I can't trust anyone.

I was in such a state over the weekend that Tim and the girls became very worried about my state of mind, however, I realised that I hadn't been taking one of my depression medications, so that may have been the problem, only time will tell.

I am like 95% done with Christmas shopping, as I shop all year around. I will start work on the Christmas cards this weekend hopefully. I will also have to sort out the Mrs Claus presents I send out during the next week or so.

Christmas Day will be spent with my parents and siblings as per usually and Boxing Day Tim & I, along with Natasha, Blain, Jessica & Leo are going to Kathy-Lee's place for our Christmas lunch in past years the girls and grandchildren would come here but I am not really in a condition to cook a baked lunch. So Kathy-Lee has said she would have the lunch at her place.

The last few days I have been working on my Christmas cards and I am slowly getting them done. I also have managed to get the house starting to look like Christmas with the aid of decorations, although I still have more to do, it is just hard to do on my own and yeah the girls say they will help but they haven't done so yet.

Well tht is enough of my boring news for this letter until next time take care and write when you can.
Jo-Anne





19 November, 2018

November Letter


Mrs Jo-Anne Meadows
P O Box 253
Warners Bay
NSW 2282
AUSTRALIA

Wednesday 14th November 2018

Dear

Hello my friend how is life treating you? I am well more or less, been another busy day for me after my aqua class this morning I spent the rest of the day doing housework and laundry.

I have also sorted out photos ready to work on the personalised calendars I do each year for family members, the calendars are time consuming. I like to sort the photos on the computer into a folder and then in a few days time I will spend some time online working on the calendars.

Last Thursday I had to go and see my GP to get my yearly medical review done but the doctor refused to fill it in, he said I shouldn't be driving. I felt numb when I left the surgery but I am getting there, it is what it is. So on Saturday Natasha took me to the RTA and I had to hand in my licence, I will get a photo ID card in the mail.

Last Tuesday I had a bad start to the day, it was my own fault I took my morning medication and my insulin before taking Leo to school but forgot to eat anything. This resulted in my blood glucose level dropping too low cause me to end up shaking and sweating and feeling extremely tired. As soon as I got home I had a sherbet cone followed by two soft boiled eggs, after I ate I was much better.

The week before last I had to see the neurologist I thought it was about my tremor but it wasn't earlier in the year my GP sent me for a CT scan of my head because of all the headaches I was getting and the scan showed what looked like a cyst.

Anyway the neurologist said he thought the CT scan looked normal but has sent me for another more complex MRI, I received an appointment in the mail for 7.30pm but there is no way I can do that time, so I rang to reschedule and the woman who took my call was quite rude but she canceled that appointment and told me I would get another appointment in the mail but it will be for some time in February. I said that would be fine don't go back to the neurologist till mid March.

He had little to say about my tremor he still things I have a functional tremor and said he knows it is difficult to deal with.
He had me do a few things and stand and walk a bit and told me my reaction time is poor as is my concentration.

Tim told him about all the minor accidents I have had this year and this resulted in him telling me that I shouldn't be driving at all. So when I got home I had a talk with Tim and Natasha about my driving.

Last Tuesday Leo (grandson) gets home from school and tell me he had a bad day he was picked on and had things thrown at him, Natasha rang the school and read them the riot act. This other kid threatened to kill Leo and yeah properly an empty threat but things like this make a child worried to go to school. Then that night Leo was already upset because of the bad dad at school and Blain(grandson) had to stir him up this resulted in Leo ending up in tears.

Well because of Blain, Leo locked his bedroom door and hid the key and when I was going to bed and went to go into Leo's room and found it locked so I go to get the key and found it missing. So I ask Leo where the key was and guess what he couldn't find it, I did get pissed off and it took a good half hour to find another key to open it. I have told Leo many times if he feels the need to hid the key just give it to me and I will not let Blain get it.

Of course I did the wrong thing and mentioned the bullying on my blog but I went back and deleted it but of course Heather saw it and was annoyed. However, I really don't give a rats ass what Heather thinks or feels.

Sunday 18th November

Back again started this during the week but only just getting around to finishing and printing, although I will add that when I started this letter I was 55 now I am 56.

Yes I have had a birthday on Friday it was generally speaking a good day, I received some lovely presents. Although Tim hasn't as yet given me a present but he did take me out to the Eastern Tiger for lunch which was nice.

Last Thursday I had a break down it was caused by Leo having a melt down and trashing his bedroom throwing things around and hitting the wall. What caused his melt down I really don't understand it had something to do with Blain though.

I ended up not just crying but sobbing and it wasn't the first time I cried on Thursday, in fact I cried a fair bit on Thursday and most of the time I had no idea why I was crying.

Tim told me he is worried about my health and through tears I replied that so was I at night I suffer from restlessness kind of like restless leg syndrome but it affects my breathing, when I lay down I feel like I can't breath and I have to get up and walk around then go back to bed and try again. I would do this 3 or 4 times before I would manage to get to sleep. I have since realised that I should be taking the medication for the restlessness 2hrs earlier then I was. Taking it earlier has helped but I am still not sleeping well getting up 3 or 5 times a night.

What added to my upset on Thursday night was Tim saying again that we can't take any more holidays because of my health and how much trouble I have walking this is because he doesn't want to push me around in a wheelchair.

Well that's all from me for this letter, until next time, take care, stay safe and write when you can.


Jo-Anne